I'm not leaving you
by gizmo71
Summary: Faced with the news that her husband's military convoy was ambushed whilst on tour of Iraq; presumed dead, Bonnie turns to her best friend for support and comfort. With a life time spent losing those she loves, it would seem that fate has dealt Bonnie with another raw deal, but little does she know what fate really has in store. AU fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Baby girl, I've made you some soup… you need to eat."

"I'm not hungry." She replies weakly, with her eyes closed shut and her back still turned away from her Grams.

"Bonnie, you haven't eaten a thing in days, this is not right, Enzo wouldn't want this…" Sheila pleads with her, as her concern for her only granddaughter rapidly increases. Since Bonnie received the news that Enzo's convoy had been ambushed, she had completely shut down, physically as well as emotionally. Intent to close herself away, Bonnie had retreated to the confines of her bedroom, _their bedroom_ , and had not left it since. Sheila had called Rudy and informed him of the news; he was away on business in Japan and although he promised that he would catch the earliest flight back home, Sheila didn't dare hold her breath. Albeit a very accomplished businessman, when it came to being a father Rudy was absent at best. Sheila had practically raised Bonnie on her own, after Bonnie's mother walked out on them when she was only four years old, and up until Bonnie married Enzo last year, Sheila was the only real family Bonnie had, just as Bonnie was all she had too. It went without saying that Sheila loved her granddaughter fiercely and therefore seeing her so lost and void of feeling worried her greatly. But sadly, despite all her efforts she could not get through to her. So, Sheila called upon Bonnie's closest friends to help. In the face of Enzo's unknown fate, Bonnie was going to need all the support she could get right now; and the fact that Bonnie had not even shed a tear since she received the call, left her feeling very uneasy.

As soon as Sheila called and told them what happened, Caroline and Stephan immediately came over, as did Matt and Tyler. But unfortunately, much like Sheila, neither one of them could get through to Bonnie. Sheila had also left a message with Katherine, Damon's fiancé, who explained that he was away at a medical conference in Washington. Katherine had assured Sheila that she would let Damon know, but she had not heard anything back- not until last night, when Stephan confirmed that he had spoken to Damon himself, who at the time was totally unaware of the news, mainly because Katherine had failed to inform him. As soon as Damon hung up the phone, without further delay he checked out of his hotel, made his apologies to the medical board and jumped on the next available flight. Sheila knew that if anyone could get through to Bonnie, it would be him, and for her granddaughter's sake she was banking on it.

Feeling somewhat deflated and at a loss of what to do, Sheila lays a kiss on Bonnie's head, whispering that she'd be right back, before heading downstairs to talk with Caroline. After sending Stephan home to relieve her mother of the twins, Caroline had insisted in staying over for a second night running. To say that Sheila was internally grateful, would have be an understatement.

Hearing movement above her, Caroline leaves the kitchen to greet Sheila at the foot of the stairs. _"How is she?"_ She asks worriedly.

"Not any better, still refusing to eat… although from the little morsel she did manage to eat yesterday, she could barely keep it down, _so…_ " Sheila sighs, "I don't know how to help her right now, it's like my granddaughter disappeared the very minute she was told about Enzo's convoy… To be honest, I'm just praying for a miracle, the fact that they didn't find Enzo's body, there's still every hope that he's alive- although Bonnie won't hear it- she's convinced that he's dead- and worst of all she blames herself for it."

"But that's ridiculous!"

"You and I both know that, but try telling her otherwise, as far as she's concerned the last words she exchanged with him were in anger; and for that reason, she believes he left for deployment in the wrong frame of mind."

Caroline shakes her head in disagreement and frustration. "She's clearly in shock, she's not thinking straight… Seriously Sheila, this needs to stop. I'm going back up there to speak to her…" But before Caroline can even make it half way up the stairs, the doorbell rings; putting pause on her intent as she turns back around and follow Sheila to the door.

 _It was Damon_. They were not expecting until tomorrow morning.

"Sheila, I got here as soon as I could… Where is she?"

"Oh, thank God you're here!" Sheila exclaims, hurrying him in, genuinely relieved to see him.

"Bonnie's upstairs". Caroline informs him, relieving him of his luggage and then his jacket.

Neither Sheila or Caroline need to say much else, he can tell from their expressions alone that Bonnie was in a bad shape. With that disturbing thought in mind as quick as a shot he flies upstairs, not really knowing what to expect, but instinctively aware that he will do whatever he can to help his best friend through this.

"He knocks on her door as a mere formality, before letting himself in. With the heavy curtains drawn, he is immediately greeted by darkness, and finds he must blink his eyes to readjust to the lack of light... It doesn't take him long to spot her on the other side of the room, curled up in foetal position, with a tray of untouched food beside her. His heart constricts.

 _"Bonnie"_. He immediately goes to her.

In somewhat of a daze, she barely recognises him at first, as he pulls her limp form into his strong embrace. "It's going to be okay…" He whispers to her repeatedly, rocking her gently against him. With her cheek pressed up close to his chest, she breathes him in, and between the distinctive smell of his cologne and his voice, she finally realises that it's him and finds herself clinging on.

 _"Damon?"_ She asks just to be certain.

"Yes it's me," he replies softly, tilting her head up ever so gently to meet her eyes with his own… "I'm here now", he reassures her. And it's that familiar understanding which seems to resonate in the depths of his crystalline pools that causes her bottom lip to tremble, as the wave of tears that she's managed to keep at bay thus far now suddenly overwhelms her. Finally, in the comfort and safety of her best friend's arms she gives in and allows herself to fall apart.

For a while he says nothing and just holds her, as she in turn cries her heart out... _"It hurts... it hurts so much..."_ she sobs.

"I know Bon, _I know..._ I'm worried about him too, Enzo is as good as a brother to me..."

 _"I'm so sorry..."_

" _Hey_ , stop that, you have nothing to be sorry about."

She disagrees... "It's my fault, we argued the night before he left, I didn't want him to go- I had this awful feeling that something bad was going to happen on this tour, but he wouldn't listen to me. Instead, he promised he'd be back- _but oh no_ , I had to go and fill him with doubt instead, and now he's out there, all alone, missing, probably dead... _and I..._ " she trails off, finding it hard to say out loud the thoughts that have plaguing her mind for the past two days.

"Listen to me Bonnie, you can't blame yourself for this- and more importantly we have to have faith that he's going to okay…"

She shakes her head… "You don't understand, I can't lose him, _not now…_ " she exclaims hysterically , as she goes on to reveal her greatest fear. A fear that has gradually transpired over a series of events this week- and the knowledge of (unbeknown to anyone else), now tolls heavily upon her heart; leaving her emotionally paralysed from the moment she answered that dreaded phone… "Damon I'm pregnant, and I won't… _I can't_ have this baby without him."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She looked so peaceful as she slept, all signs of her worry and distress from earlier seemed to evaporate from the contours of her face. But he knew that this reprieve would only last for a few more hours. Because for as long as he's known Bonnie she had always been a restless sleeper, whether they had sleepovers as kids, or had crashed out together after a night of partying in their late teens/early twenties, she would constantly wake throughout the night. He doubted she slept more than 3 hours at a time. One day he was talking about it with Sheila following a night out on the town, he and Bonnie had gone to a gig and they got totally wasted, so he stayed at Sheila's after dropping her off. Whereas the effects of alcohol always seemed to act as a sedative for him, sharing a bed with Bonnie that night completely threw that concept out of the window; between the constant fidgeting and tossing and turning, and the endless times she got up to use the bathroom; it was fair to say he didn't get a wink of sleep that night. Hungover, the next morning he remembers trudging downstairs to vent to Sheila. Complaining, he had stated that Bonnie was the worse sleeper he had ever met, to which Sheila agreed and disclosed that Bonnie had trouble sleeping from the age of four, it started after her mother left both her and her father, in the dead of the night without so much as a warning. He never complained again after that; _poor Bonnie_ , for a man that thoroughly enjoyed his sleep, he genuinely felt sorry for her- and on her behalf found himself hating her mother even more. So, it was a rarity to see Bonnie as restful as she was right now, although he suspects the outburst of tears that had transpired an hour ago, had acted as a catalyst for her said slumber. He was glad for it, because she was going to need all the energy she could muster to get through this ordeal.

His best friend was about to have a baby, and under normal circumstance they would have celebrated the joyous news, but instead the news was tinged with sadness and doubt. Bonnie and Enzo had always talked of starting a family of their own. With both coming from broken family backgrounds (in Enzo's case no family at all); they were keen to create something that neither one of them had growing up- a strong and nurturing family where their children could truly thrive. But sadly, with Enzo's life hanging in the balance, it looked as though Bonnie would be bringing this child into a world under circumstances that she abhorred. No wonder she had shut down, because after everything she has been through, to be faced with the loss of her husband and then having to raise her child without a father was too painful of a reality to accept.

Two days before she received the news that Enzo's was missing, she had taken a home pregnancy test, to confirm her suspicions. Excited, she had initially kept the news of the pregnancy to herself, because she wanted her husband to be the first to know. But then she received the phone call from the army base, and she found her reasons for keeping her pregnancy hidden had changed entirely. Stricken with grief, she felt she could no longer go through with this pregnancy alone, and decided that maybe a termination was the best way forward.

She had not planned on telling Damon, _for one,_ Damon was pro-life. Like Enzo, he had dedicated most his life and career to the medical practise and saving lives, so ending a life was not an option he would even begin to consider. Secondly, it was no secret that Damon loved children, just watching him interact with his two nieces spoke volumes. He and Stephan were always family orientated, and for the last two years he had been keen to start a family of his own, however, much to his dismay Katherine was always finding reasons for them to wait. Bonnie knew that by telling Damon how she was feeling, he would more than likely talk her into keeping the baby, as would her Grams to be fair. But the moment he drew her into the warmth of his embrace, and caused her floodgates to come crashing down, she realised she couldn't keep this secret to herself for any longer, because it was driving her crazy. And maybe deep down, subconsciously she wanted him to change her mind.

Before she dosed off, he made sure to remind her that she was surrounded by people who loved her, and whether Enzo made it through this or not, she was not alone. "I'm not leaving you Bonnie", he promised her, meaning every word. They had been best friends since they were eleven, and he wasn't about to let her down now, not when she needed him the most.

"Enzo promised me the same thing", she recalled painfully, fighting back fresh tears... "Damon there is no point in making promises you can't keep, because nothing is certain in life... and besides that you have your own life to live, you're getting married in the Spring and I doubt Katherine will be happy about you playing _"surrogate stand in"_ to my child..." she trailed off in pessimism. She knew he meant well, and she loves him for offering, but no matter how she looked at it, nothing compared to having Enzo beside her...

But whilst the future of this baby remained uncertain, Damon refused to drop the matter, not until he got his best friend to look at her options differently... "Bonnie- don't worry about Katherine, if she loves me, she will allow me to do what I think is necessary... and being here for you is not an option for debate. All that I ask, is that you think about this decision very carefully, and believe me when I say that I will do whatever I can to help." He looked at her intently... "I understand that you're scared Bonnie, and the not knowing if Enzo is dead or alive is making this even harder on you. So, whatever you decide to do, you will have my full support, but I wouldn't be a true if friend if I didn't tell you that I think that having an abortion is a mistake. Pushing aside the fact that I don't necessarily agree with it, I can't help but think that if the worst comes to pass and we find out that Enzo is dead; I don't think you'll be able to forgive yourself if you got rid of his baby. And whether your last words to him were said in anger or not, I know that you love that man, and this baby is a direct product of that love." Gently, he lay his hand on top of hers... "Bonnie, if Enzo is gone, then this baby could be the most tangible link you'll ever have to him, do you _really_ want to lose that? Because honestly, I don't think you do... "

Whatever Bonnie's thoughts were following Damon's emotional plea, she had momentarily kept them to herself. At the end of the day, she was facing a life changing experience under tenuous circumstances, and whatever decision she made there was no turning back from it. Therefore, she needed some time to think about it, without feeling pressured. And knowingly, Damon did not push her for a response either- he had said what he had to, and now she needed space to fully consider all her options. _So instead_ , wordlessly he invites her to lay her head back down and close her eyes... He was conscious of how emotional wrung she was, and the effects that this could have on her baby. So first things first- she needed to rest, and then following that he was going to get her to eat something. And finally, once satisfied that she has built up the physical strength she requires, he will leave her to her thoughts, giving her all the space and time she needs.

But until her decision is made, regardless of what it might be, he makes a silent vow to not only look out for Bonnie, but to look out for the life of her unborn baby too.


	3. Chapter 3

"Bonnie, you going to be late... come on."

"Coming Grams..." she calls back, retrieving her log book from her bedside table, before heading down stairs.

"Do I have everything?" She asks aloud- checking through her bag one more time.

Not to delay any further, Sheila takes her by the hand and leads her out the door... "My goodness girl... You would think we were going on an expedition, not a hospital visit... come on you'll be fine..." she winks at her knowingly.

Bonnie had her first sonogram booked today, and to put it mildly she was a bag of nerves. Sheila was acutely aware of this fact, but did her best not to play into it. Bonnie had come a long way since she first revealed her pregnancy, and Sheila was not about to let her slip backwards; especially today. Because today was something to look forward to, a promise of joy that this baby will undoubtedly bring back to Bonnie's life again. That precious first glance of your baby on the monitor, and the ethereal sound of her little one's tiny heartbeat fluttering away in the background, nothing else can quite compare to that feeling; because it is simply breath-taking, and she knows it is exactly what Bonnie needs right now. This was such a poignant moment for a first-time mum, and in Sheila's opinion, it should and MUST be treasured, and therefore the last thing she wants is for her granddaughter to be overshadowed by anxiousness, or worse, overwrought with the sadness that Enzo's disappearance bestows. The past six weeks had been emotionally turbulent for them all, and it was high time that they were graced with a sense of happiness, and something wonderful to look forward to.

Damon was working at the hospital today, so he planned to meet them in the maternity ward for Bonnie's appointment. He had been a godsend in all this. Not only did he give Bonnie the courage to go ahead with the pregnancy, he was an invaluable support as well. When Bonnie struggled with morning sickness, he advised Sheila on a recommended diet, he prescribed Bonnie with anti-sickness medicine, and he was not adverse to rubbing her back when he found her hunched over the toilet bowl either. He also pulled strings at the hospital to ensure that she was assigned to the best OB/GYN in Mystic Falls. And when it came to emotional support, well he was always there. Firstly, he took over all correspondences with the army base, he chased for updates and leads, anything that could shed some light on what had happened to Enzo. Unfortunately, as days turned into weeks, the outlook was becoming more and more bleak. From the little intel the army did have, it was believed that Enzo's had been captured by enemy forces during the ambush, but other than that there was still no sign as to whether or not he was alive. After hearing the news, the little faith Bonnie did have saved for Enzo's return was officially lost- and instead she found herself plagued with visions of her husband being tortured and maimed to death. Damon immediately sort counselling for her, because at one point it seemed grief was threatening to get the best of her. She would fluctuate between inconsolable sadness, to angry outbursts and fits of rage; she was like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, in which Sheila and Damon bared the brunt force; because as soon as Rudy received a taste of it, he was suddenly called away on "business" again. However, Shiela and Damon stayed firm throughout it all, and never once left her side, and between the bereavement counselling and their steadfast support, the Bonnie they knew and loved slowly began to resurface. Granted, she still had her bad days, which was to be expected under the circumstances, but they came fewer and far between. But the defining moment came, when Sheila found Bonnie's head buried in a book titled... "What to expect when you're expecting..." Unconsciously, Sheila found herself sigh in relief. Thank God, she thought, because up until that point, Bonnie had only viewed her pregnancy as burden; to her it was just another thing she had to go through. So, to witness her granddaughter finally take an active interest, she interpreted it as a sign of better days to come.

Time however stopped for no-one and before she knew it, Bonnie was 12 weeks pregnant and coming to the end of her first trimester, and with that came a few welcomed changes. For one, her nausea and morning sickness had started to taper off, which she was eternally grateful for, and what appeared to her "permanent state of lethargy" had disappeared along with it too. With her energy levels on the rise, Bonnie was beginning to feel a lot brighter. She ventured out of the house more, and recently found pleasure in taking long leisurely strolls through the park. Pregnancy seemed to heighten all her senses, and she found that her body reacted well to the crisp fresh air of the Autumn Fall, it seemed to possess the ability to refresh her mind, her body and her spirit; causing her look at her life differently. During these walks she would also allow herself to think of him, sometimes she even found herself speaking to him out loud, in the hopes that maybe he was out there listening, and funnily enough she derived a great sense of comfort from that. In her heart of hearts she knew he was gone, but yet his presence still lingered around her. Maybe it was due to the fact she was carrying his child, or maybe time really was a healer and she could finally think of her husband without falling apart.

But with the date of her first scan speedily approaching, she couldn't help but feel a little bit apprehensive. She tried her best to hide it, mainly because she didn't want to worry her Grams and Damon unnecessarily. She had put them through enough over the last few months. Although, it went without saying, that she couldn't have come this far without them. During her darkest hours they had helped her in more ways than one, and now she owed it to them to keep moving forward. She also had her baby to think about , he or she had already lost their father, so she couldn't afford to give anything less than 110% of her love, her care and devotion, and in order for that to happen she had to be alright with herself. And she was trying, each day had its battles, but she did her best to persevere through. Like any new mum to be, she found herself facing the usual doubts and fears; the scan itself raised several worries- such as, what it is showed there was something wrong? Honest to God, she couldn't face another knock back. But what she found even more difficult to comprehend was the fact that Enzo would not be there with her. She had always envisioned being at her first scan with Enzo right beside her, reassuringly squeezing her hand, whilst the doctor in him tried to appear cool and collected, the new-to-be-father in him would have been secretly just as nervous her. They would have then looked at that monitor in awe, love pouring out of their eyes, as they took their first look at their baby, and simultaneously allowed their minds to imagine the endless possibilities of what life had in store for them. However, never in a million years had she imagined she would be doing this without him, not even when he was stationed on tour did she think she'd be here alone. Although in reality she was not alone, because she was fortunate enough to her Grams and Damon with her, but without trying to sound ungrateful, she would have given anything to have Enzo here instead.

Damon was already waiting for them in maternity when they arrived, he graced them with a huge smile before greeting them both with a hug. When he hugged Bonnie, he whispered in her ear reassuringly, "It's going to be okay".

"I know," she replies, despite her anxiousness, because remaining positive was key, she told herself.

A few minutes later they are called in. Grams assists her onto the gurney as the doctor asks her to lift her shirt up and explains each step that's about to take place. She flinches as the cool gel is applied to her belly, "it's cold" Bonnie states simply, causing Sheila to smile in recognition… "Well, it's been a while, but I can remember just how cold that stuff is." The three of them laugh, almost out of nervousness it seems, before quickly refocusing their attentions to the screen, attentively waiting for the doctor to begin the sonogram.

A pause of silence, and then a few seconds later, _there he was_. Gasping with emotion, tears presently filling her eyes as Bonnie looks at her baby in utter amazement. Her heart begins to soar.

The doctor's words, they no longer seem to register, as she finds she is no longer concerned or scared, because profoundly, call it mother's intuition, but at this precise moment, somehow, deep down she realises that everything was going to be just fine.

"Oh he's so precious", Sheila gushes, unable to keep her tears at bay.

Damon, reaches over to hold Bonnie's hand, momentarily drawing her from her reverie. He too is struggling to keep himself together, as he tells her… "Did you hear that Bonnie, the doctor said he's developing as expected, he's perfect Bonnie, and I'm so proud of you…"

Chocked up with emotion, unable to speak, Bonnie simply nods in agreement… Her baby was indeed perfect, and for the first time in a very long while she felt full of pride. The journey to this point had been so fraught with sorrow and pain, she had been ready to give up, but through sheer tenacity alone these two amazing people sat beside her wouldn't let her do that, and instead gave her all the support and strength she needed to carry on. And she cannot thank them enough, because finally, after seeing her baby for the first time, she could also see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it looked beautiful. And as the doctor turns up the volume on the monitor, filling the room with the sound of her baby's heartbeat, she knows no matter what else lies ahead, even without Enzo being there, she was not going to give up, because above everything else she was responsible for this little life growing inside if her; he was a part of Enzo and a part of her, and he gave her everything to live for.


End file.
